Self- Sabotage Pt.1

Cue Cranes in the Sky by Solange

I think that song describes all too well the feeling of running away from your feelings. Removing things and people from your life hoping that it changes something. Newsflash: Sometimes, that shit just doesn't work.

Why do we do that? Maybe if I get rid of this? Maybe if I get rid of that? But none of that seems to help.

In this past three years, Cranes in the Sky has spoken to my spirit. I didn’t understand in my teenage years. In this short interval of time, I’ve experienced breakups , hardship, and rejection. Granted, those experiences were met with so many high and celebratory moments.

However, in those moments of high, I couldn’t help but to focus on the negative and pursue those feelings. Ultimately, self- sabotaging.

Don’t get me wrong, this is still one of my hurdles to face daily. It seems like you push away the good and patiently anticipate the bad. Why x3?

I had to come to the realization that I played a significant role in missed opportunities and my numerous dysfunctional relationships. Either I pulled away or showed little effort. Me standing in my own way seemed to be my go- to defense mechanism. Subconsciously, I think I savored it as blocking disappointment. My, my, my, was I totally wrong.

Self- Sabotage Series... To Be Continued.